{"id":758,"date":"2019-01-30T08:42:07","date_gmt":"2019-01-30T08:42:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/?p=758"},"modified":"2024-06-18T08:17:25","modified_gmt":"2024-06-18T08:17:25","slug":"valentines-day-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/valentines-day-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"Valentine&#8217;s Day Advice From A Dominatrix"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Is it just me, or has Valentine&#8217;s Day become a bit of a snoozefest? The entire holiday has become a lesson in formulaic planning. Most of the time, it includes dinner \u2014 be it at home or a restaurant. You drop tons of cash on food and beverages, and then come home and (if you&#8217;re lucky) have sex. Does this scream romance to you? When did Valentine&#8217;s Day become so damn boring?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s why I spoke to Bella LaVey, a former dominatrix turned holistic sex coach. She&#8217;s also the author of&nbsp;<em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Fetish-Girl-Memoir-Domination-Motherhood\/dp\/1631524356\">Fetish Girl: A Memoir of Sex, Domination, and Motherhood<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/em>I picked her brain on how to take your Valentine&#8217;s Day from blah to ooh-la-la. Ahead, find her tips for a sexy V-Day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Do The Opposite<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;One of the sexiest things we can do is build polarity,&#8221; LaVey explains. What she&#8217;s talking about is that push-and-pull of sexuality. One moment you may be a sexy vixen, and the next, you demure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"939\" src=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-02-1024x939.jpg\" alt=\"Heterosexual person fingering a vulva haver\" class=\"wp-image-2842\" srcset=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-02-1024x939.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-02-314x288.jpg 314w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-02-768x704.jpg 768w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-02.jpg 1201w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>So on Valentine&#8217;s Day, do the opposite of what you&#8217;d typically do. If you and your SO are typically ultra-kinky, opt for a night of slow, simple, passionate lovemaking. If you tend to stick to more vanilla sex the other 364 days of the year, pull out the bondage tape. &#8220;Think of when we go out for Halloween,&#8221; LaVey says. &#8220;You get to show an aspect of your personality that doesn&#8217;t usually get to shine. Valentine&#8217;s Day can be the same.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Try A Sexy Scavenger Hunt<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>An easy way to build that anticipation is through a sexy scavenger hunt, according to LaVey. &#8220;You can leave little notes throughout the house with little gifts attached to them,&#8221; she says. Each &#8220;gift&#8221; can be a part of the night you have planned. So one note might have some nipple clamps or <strong><a title=\"metal handcuffs\" rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/bondage-accessories\/metal-handcuffs.html\" target=\"_blank\">handcuffs<\/a><\/strong>, the next can have a spanking paddle, while the next can have some massage oil. &#8220;You can end the scavenger hunt by leading your SO to you, where you&#8217;ll be sitting in bed or in a tub, waiting for them,&#8221; LaVey says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"939\" src=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-01-1024x939.jpg\" alt=\"Try a sexy scavenger hunt this Valentine's Day\" class=\"wp-image-2845\" srcset=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-01-1024x939.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-01-314x288.jpg 314w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-01-768x704.jpg 768w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-sex-tips-01.jpg 1201w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Another take I love? The clothing trail. Leave a trail of your clothing and underthings to a spot where you&#8217;re waiting for your partner \u2014 totally naked. Then, let the games begin. This doesn&#8217;t only have to be for evenings spent at home, though. You can also use the sexy scavenger hunt as an anticipation builder before you head out for a dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Build Sexuality Throughout The Night<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Like mentioned above, there are easy ways to build anticipation throughout the evening \u2014 especially if you&#8217;re in a situation where you can&#8217;t necessarily touch one another. &#8220;Sitting close to one another at dinner, or subtly touching one another under the table, is a sexy way of doing this,&#8221; LaVey says. You can also fall into roles that are sexy but may be outside of the norm for you. &#8220;I love it when my partner takes charge and orders for me,&#8221; LaVey says. &#8220;It&#8217;s super sexy.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"939\" src=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-aphrodisiac-food-strawberry-1024x939.jpg\" alt=\"Two partners making out with a strawberry in their mouths\" class=\"wp-image-2844\" srcset=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-aphrodisiac-food-strawberry-1024x939.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-aphrodisiac-food-strawberry-314x288.jpg 314w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-aphrodisiac-food-strawberry-768x704.jpg 768w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-aphrodisiac-food-strawberry.jpg 1201w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><em>RELATED:&nbsp;Six&nbsp;<a title=\"Aphrodisiac Foods\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/aphrodisiac-foods\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Aphrodisiac Foods<\/a>&nbsp;to Make You Feel Sexy!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another way to build excitement? Feed one another. I know it sounds strange, but hear us out. &#8220;Food tastes completely different when someone is feeding you,&#8221; LaVey says. It&#8217;s also an incredibly intimate thing that we don&#8217;t necessarily do very often. So try feeding one another your V-Day feast. You may be surprised by how turned on you get.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Try A Lap Dance<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t know a [person] that doesn&#8217;t want their woman to get sexy for them and give them a lap dance,&#8221; LaVey says. That said, lap dances can be an objectively embarrassing experience, so La Vey has some tips if you&#8217;re new to the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, remember that a lap dance is just as much for&nbsp;<em>you<\/em>&nbsp;as it for your partner. So figure out a way to slip into your sexy side. That could be putting on a song that turns you on, or putting on some lingerie that you love. &#8220;You want to erotically activate yourself first before moving on to your partner,&#8221; LaVey says. Next, slow things down and make a lot of eye contact. &#8220;Slowly slink to the music,&#8221; LaVey says. She&#8217;s a fan of tying her partner&#8217;s hands behind their back so they can&#8217;t touch her for the first song or two.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Introduce Roleplay<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s where the bread and body butter of being a Dominatrix comes out. A surefire way to really amp things up in the bedroom is to introduce some roleplay and bondage to the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"939\" src=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-bdsm-sex-tips-1024x939.jpg\" alt=\"Lesbian couple enjoying spanking and strap-on sex on Valentine's Day\" class=\"wp-image-2846\" srcset=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-bdsm-sex-tips-1024x939.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-bdsm-sex-tips-314x288.jpg 314w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-bdsm-sex-tips-768x704.jpg 768w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/valentines-day-bdsm-sex-tips.jpg 1201w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Before making the leap to any kind of situational play, <strong><a title=\"spanking\" href=\"https:\/\/www.bvibe.com\/anal-play-101\/spanking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">spanking<\/a><\/strong>, or bondage\/ S&amp;M acts, you must talk with your partner about it first to determine what everyone is comfortable with, what they are not comfortable with, and exactly what toys you&#8217;d be using. You can learn more about BDSM and how to get started in our <strong><a title=\"BDSM guide for beginners\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/what-is-bdsm\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">BDSM guide for beginners<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you&#8217;ve established what toy you&#8217;d like to use. Try starting off with some restraints like cuffs or\u00a0a bondage collar. In both of these toys, the material can be key for enhancing your senses and introducing <strong><a title=\"temperature sex play\" rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/temperature-play\/\" target=\"_blank\">temperature sex play<\/a><\/strong> through metal accents. The <strong><a title=\"predicament bondage ideas\" rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/predicament-bondage\/\" target=\"_blank\">Predicament Bondage<\/a><\/strong> caused by these restraints can also elevate your situational role play and emphasize specific areas of stimulation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/bondage-accessories\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"688\" src=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories-1024x688.png\" alt=\"Le Wand Bondage Accessories\" class=\"wp-image-2839\" srcset=\"https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories-1024x688.png 1024w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories-314x211.png 314w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories-768x516.png 768w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories-1536x1033.png 1536w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories-1200x807.png 1200w, https:\/\/static.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/le-wand-bondage-accessories.png 1800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>For those who are into a little pain, a few love pats with a paddle or a sex whip can cause a light rise in sensitivity and body temperature that can send hormones into a frenzy. Just make sure you&#8217;ve established a proper safe word and talk through your comfort levels first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The most important part of Valentine&#8217;s Day, though? &#8220;Let your partner know how much you love them, are turned on by them, and desire them,&#8221; she says. It&#8217;s the easiest, and sexiest, way to ensure your V-Day is anything but boring.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is it just me, or has Valentine&#8217;s Day become a bit of a snoozefest? The entire holiday has become a lesson in formulaic planning. Most of the time, it includes dinner \u2014 be it at home or a restaurant. You drop tons of cash on food and beverages, and then &hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2840,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-758","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couples-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/758","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=758"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/758\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3329,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/758\/revisions\/3329"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2840"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=758"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=758"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lewandmassager.com\/pleasure-guide\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=758"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}