An Interview with Tova Leigh – A Sex Blogger and Mother of Three
Feeling the taboo of being both outwardly sex-positive AND a mother? On this edition of Vibin’ On You, sex blogger and mother of three, Tova Leigh talks makin’ magic after makin’ babies.
Hi Tova! We are big fans of you over here at Le Wand, but our friends who right not know you, can you give us a brief introduction?
Tova Leigh: Hi Le Wand! I was born in Israel and I practiced law and worked as a Labor Law Attorney for two years before moving to the UK in 2006 to pursue a career in acting.
I started my blog – My Thoughts About Stuff – in 2015 as a creative outlet and because I wanted to share the struggles I face as a mom with other women. My viral online series Mom Life Crisis which documents my own midlife crisis following a health scare, resonated with millions of women across the world and later became a documentary film on Amazon Prime Video.
In March 2019, I released my first book ‘F*cked at 40: Life Beyond Suburbia, Monogamy, and Stretch Marks.’ It is about rediscovering who I was apart from being a mom and beyond the norms society forces upon women. I also co-host a weekly podcast Till Death Do Us Pod with my husband Mike and have a one-woman comedy show which I took on tour around North America, Canada, and the UK. I am a mother of three girls and live together with my family in London.
You are fearless on the internet — truly letting it all hang out with no topic too taboo. What made you want to use your platform in a way that empowers others not to take themselves too seriously?
Tova Leigh: I love talking about taboo topics and especially in a humorous way when possible. I think comedy helps put everyone at ease and allow people to listen and consider ideas they are usually closed off to.
Being a sex-positive mom is one of the things we love most about you. Can you talk a little bit about your relationship with your body and sex since having children? What’s changed and what hasn’t?
Tova Leigh: First few years of being a mom… what sex?! I totally lost my sex drive and even a connection with my own body. I felt like I didn’t own it. I wrote about this in my book in detail – that feeling that your body belongs to everyone else but you. I think as women we are so used to it that we don’t even see it. Then in my 40s something changed. Hormones kicked in, my kids were older… and I basically woke up one morning feeling horny AF! It was a midlife crisis I realized later only I didn’t know at the time because no one ever talks about women having a midlife crisis.
You Google ‘men and midlife crisis’ you get all the symptoms: hair plugs, sports car, shagging the 20-year-old secretary. I Googled ‘women and midlife crisis’ and got a recipe for a quinoa salad. And I was like – where are all the articles about women wanting to shag a 20-year-old? Because I sure as hell did! What I realized after I started saying this out loud was that there were many women out there who felt the same but it was another taboo. But that’s what’s great about your 40s – you no longer care what other people think of you.
We love your Facebook Live show Pyjama Party — where people write in real confessions that you then read and viewers vote on. How did you come up with this idea, and is there a favorite confession out of all the confessions you’ve received that sticks out to you?
Tova Leigh: It started five years ago. The kids were very young and going out on a Friday night was just not something we did. I figured there must be so many other parents who feel the same, why not have a party together online?! The confessions were a way to show people that no matter where in the world or what background, we are actually more alike than we think. It was also a way to break some taboos and end the shame surrounding topics like sex, self-pleasure, etc.
As for favorite confessions, there are so many good ones that it’s hard to choose! I think when people confessed the serious stuff (like not having love or living a lie, etc.) it always stuck more because it took a lot of bravery to admit those things. I am actually now writing a confessions book which is due out in September 2021 and I am so excited about it! People from all over the world have been sending confessions in, some are really funny, and some are very heartfelt. I think it will open people’s eyes when they read the book.
Do you have any advice for bringing some humor and levity into the bedroom?
Tova Leigh: Sex toys! Also biscuits… lol!
Thank you, Tova!
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