“What’s Up with My O?” – The Real Reasons You’re Not Having Vaginal Orgasms
Don't believe the hype. Vaginal orgasms are all that, but you're not frigid or broken if your vagina isn't producing copious amounts of unmatched pleasure.
We've all grown up watching movie stars and porn actresses reach ecstasy from penetration alone — and most of us have wound up scratching our heads, wondering why we can't do the same. As simply wonderful as an orgasm might be, that little, fleshy button is more complex than you think. If vaginal orgasms are on your bucket list, we've got all the reasons why this ultra-hyped climax might be eluding you and how to use the power of play to reach new levels of divine pleasure.
Vaginal Orgasms 101: You're Missing Out on the G-Spot!
Those of us who've experienced (the elusive) vaginal orgasms are most likely hitting the G-spot — that walnut-sized area of sensitive tissue about 3 inches up from the front vaginal wall.
Not everyone enjoys G-spot stimulation, but it's worth a shot to potentially discover your most intense O ever.
Massaging this spongy-type area with a toy or finger can trigger an intense need to urinate (no, not squirting!), but for those who can work past this odd sensation, the G-spot orgasm can be the key to those mind-melting climaxes you've read about, or even squirting for the first time.
Every Vulva Owner Has a G-Spot
Now it's time to find out if yours is the ticket to sexual heaven a.k.a vaginal orgasms.
The easiest way is to use a clean, lubed finger (yours or your partner's), insert it about 3-ish inches into your vagina, and feel along the front wall for a small, bumpy area that's sensitive to gentle massage with a bent finger — like you're beckoning to someone with a curved pointed finger.
It can help to rub your clitoris during exploration to encourage those tingly feelings of pleasure. Like we mentioned earlier, you might feel the immediate need to pee due to some pressure on the urethra, which inhabits the space just above. Lighten the touch and keep going until you've found a rhythm and pressure that works. Trust us, you'll know when you've found it. You won't be able to stop!
Acknowledge Your Body's Likes and Dislikes
Just because G-spot orgasms are one vagina's be-all and end-all climax, it doesn't mean that the same tips and tricks will work for you — and there's nothing wrong with that!
It might be easy to quit your masturbation session in a huff because you didn't wind up seeing stars. Not everyone will! For every woman that loves (vaginal orgasms) and having her internal G-button pushed, there's several more that find it boring or even uncomfortable.
If you've given your G-spot a fair shot at producing pleasure and find that your practice isn't paying off, don't sweat it. Try again as often (or as little!) as you like.
If the clitoris turns out to be your one-and-only, go for it! There are plenty of amazing ways to rub, massage, and vibrate your clit into multiple, incredible orgasms.
Plot Twist! Your G-Spot Isn't What It Seems
Surprise! After all that talk of vaginal orgasms, squirting, and G-spot climaxes to rocket your soul into space, we're going to change it up a bit.
The concept of the G-spot as a singular, pin-point area of tissue doesn't exist. What we've come to call the Gräfenberg Spot is actually part of a larger body structure known as the clitorethrovaginal complex, or CVU, which – as the name suggests – includes the clitoris, vagina, and urethra.
Yes, you might still feel a spongy-type tissue that feels amazing to caress, and that an internal massage with a curved toy or finger can still trigger squirting or giant-sized vaginal orgasms. But that reaction still comes from clitoral stimulations.
Think of your clitoris as an iceberg. What you can touch on the surface is just a fraction of what lies beneath the surface, which is a set of arms that can feel just as much pleasure as what's underneath your hood.
You can reach the deep-set of nerves in the CVU complex with internal massage, similar to what we've been taught about finding the G-spot, or by using a powerful wand massager. The intense vibrations penetrate deep into the pelvic muscle, activating the full potential of your clitoris' entire structure. If you thought squirting was just for penetration lovers, think again! You might be able to achieve this legendary orgasm type via the CVU.
Why Can't I Have a Vaginal Orgasm?
Well, it's could be that you're too stressed for sex. Daily stressors affect more than your mood. Getting into a sexual mindset – and discovering a new way to come – can be impossible when you're not feeling your best.
Sex is a known and well-publicized stress reliever, but there's a catch. If your brain can't ditch the day's load of garbage from work, the commute, or the kids, it might be impossible to even come close to, well... coming.
Like bouncing back from a bad date, don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch. Once life calms down, you'll return to having worthy vaginal orgasms and craving all kinds of sex again.
Your Meds Are Screwing With Your Sex Drive
There's no shame in talking to your doctor if all orgasms – not just the internal, vaginal orgasms – are becoming oddly difficult and frustrating to achieve. The list of prescription medications that put a damper on your sex drive is too long to mention. Certain chemicals in various necessary daily meds can interact with how your brain feels and responds to sexual cues.
From blood pressure pills to anti-depressants, talk to your doctor if you're suddenly unable to climax or even get aroused from your usual favorite bedroom activities. It's likely that you'll have options to better your sex life or change your prescription.
#1 Reason for NOT Having Vaginal Orgasms? You're Not Masturbating Enough!
What's the real key to reaching your true orgasmic potential? Lots and lots of self-love and body exploration. It might take some time to figure out what makes your pelvic parts sing, and if you ask us, the whole thing just sounds like a lot of sexy fun.
Who cares if the end result of all that me-time is that your clit is queen and that internal massage just doesn't do it for you? Now you know! And you can teach that intimate understanding to a partner, or just use it to give yourself multiple O's. Either option sounds like a night to remember to us!
Listen to Your Body – and Love It No Matter What
Just like your BFF, we're going to give it to you straight. You might never reach the sort of vaginal orgasms that you see in movies, and that doesn't say a damn thing about your ability to be a gorgeously sexual human.
The best part about sex – whether partnered or solo – is that it's all about feeling good. Orgasms aren't required to end your pleasure session with a "Dang, that felt good!" So what if all that G-spot searching led you to find that special little thing that your clit or labia crave - with or without reaching your end goal?
A great sex life begins and ends with comfort, trust, and honesty (and, let's face it, an arsenal of efficient toys). Stay true to what feels good and take pride in what turns you on. An orgasm is still an orgasm, no matter how you get there.