Lustline #3: October
From breaking up the gender norms of clothing to breaking down how to talk to your partner about sex toys, we open up to all of your most pressing questions in this October edition of Lustline.
I'm a guy, and I like to wear sexy women's panties. They are all I wear. Is it fairly common among men to wear women's panties? - Doughboy
Doughboy, my most straightforward answer is this: does it make you feel good? Then it doesn't need to be normal or not! Our society has taught us that certain things, like men wearing women's clothes, are weird. But you know what? Clothes are just clothes — they don't have a gender. If it makes you feel good, embodied, and sexy — by all means, wear the undies!
I couldn't find any specific stats online, but what I did find was a plethora of articles about how common it is! If you're craving validation, Google something like, "how common is it for men to wear women's clothing?" You'll come across some things that talk about how more and more men like to explore women's fashion — plus, most importantly, you'll see that the gender binary around our clothing is starting to change — finally!
Also, try finding a community on Reddit & FetLife! If there's something you're into nowadays, odds are there is an online support system waiting for you. FetLife is an online kink, BDSM, and fetish community where you can meet people who enjoy the same things as you! It can help you feel less lonely and you can meet some wonderful human beings!
Are sex toys for everyone or just for the select few? I don't know where to even begin. Help me please. - Confused with All the Options
Dear Confused with All the Options,
Sex toys can be for anyone, anywhere!
Stepping into the sex toy world can feel so overwhelming! There are so many options, so many different brands, and searching can feel intimidating since we weren't educated about them. Spend some time masturbating and decide where you enjoy the most stimulation, then base your first toy off of that! It's a fabulous place to start.
You're on one of the best possible websites right now for sex toys — Le Wand is overflowing with so many options of incredible sex toys to try! They are most known for their rechargeable wand massager — it's one of the OG massagers for clit stimulation. Honestly, just skimming through this site and deciding what looks more intriguing to you is a great starting point. There is something for wherever you are, whatever your comfort level, and whatever you want to explore — have fun with it!
b-Vibe is another excellent site to explore, especially if you're into anal play — their toys are quality, diverse, and absolutely fantastic. If you want to go big right off the bat, check out The Cowgirl. They make an incredible sex machine. Yes, a sex machine.
Also, remember, if you don't like something, try something else! Our preference of toys, like anything we use in life, is specific to the person using them. Give yourself permission to explore and have fun!
I wish you all the luck and pleasure!
My partner thinks that if I bring a vibrator into bed, it means that he can't "do his job" sexually. I don't want to hurt him, but my clitoris needs vibration for me to orgasm, and that's not his fault. - Saraphinxa
Ah, my dear Saraphinxa!
This can feel like such a tricky situation and can feel like a touchy subject to continuously bring up — I am so happy you are asking these hard questions and prioritizing your pleasure! You deserve it.
I would encourage you to approach your partner with a bit of curiosity and ask deeper questions about what he feels like his "job" is. Then, I'd encourage you to explain why you enjoy the vibrator truly. A lot of vulva owners, especially during penetrative sex, need more intense clitoral stimulation. Reiterate to your partner that this is just how your body works.
It's no secret that society has taught penis owners that they are supposed to be "good" at sex by only using their bodies — which isn't possible because good sex comes from communication! It's not your partner's fault that his ego is getting in the way of your pleasure (based on societal norms), but it is now his responsibility to sort it out. It may be uncomfy and feel vulnerable, but if you two support each other, there is so much room for growth!
Your partner's only job in the bedroom with you is to help you experience the most pleasure by listening to your needs and desires. It can be so fun to teach our partners how to use toys on our bodies — just because it isn't one of their body parts doing the pleasuring doesn't mean they aren't still aiding in your pleasure.